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Stamps News

Monday, September 9                                               Stamps, Arkansas

Sister Monroe Goes Berserk

By MAGGIE PROULX

STAMPS, AR- Yesterday, at the Christian Methodist Episcopal Church, the Sunday service began as it usually does. From the very beginning of the morning, however, there was a sense of something unusual. Sister Monroe was seated in the congregation, unlike most weeks. Sister Monroe doesn't make it to church every week, because of the fact that she lives far away. Because of this, when she does come, she makes up for her absence by over participating. Sister Monroe hadn't been to church for three to four months, but she was able to come yesterday, and the expected uproar occurred once again. When she chose her seat yesterday morning, all the ushers in the church discreetly moved to her side of the church. This ritual was performed because in the past it sometimes took more than three people to keep her still. Yesterday, even they couldn't hold her down. She had gotten her whole self into the service very quickly; she had begun to shout and wave her arms about almost right away. When she had eluded the ushers, she ran up to the pulpit screaming, "Preach it. I say preach it," at Reverend Taylor while he was preaching. Attempting to ignore her, Reverend Thomas just continued on with his sermon. Sister Monroe then stepped up onto the altar and gave an exceptionally loud "I said, preach it." At the Reverend's

lacking response, she grabbed at him and caught him by his coattail and sleeve. Even though Sister Monroe proceeded to rock Reverend Thomas from side to side after catching him, he never stopped preaching. At this, the ushers nearly ran to the pulpit to help the minister, and they were followed by two of the deacons. Every time the rescuers managed to pry Sister Monroe off Reverend Thomas, she grabbed him somewhere else, and held on stronger. Through all this mess, the Reverend kept on preaching, and Sister Monroe kept yelling, "Preach it." Suddenly, when it seemed that the brouhaha was at its peak, Deacon Jackson and Sister Willson got into the spirit. The Deacon screamed loudly and punched Reverend Thomas on the arm. The Reverend then spun around and punched Deacon Jackson in return. During this scramble, Sister Willson grabbed his tie firmly and pressed down on him. Almost immediately, all three of them were on the floor behind the altar. The calamitous Sister Monroe then walked away from the scene and said, "I came to Jesus, as I was, worried, wound, and sad, I found in Him a resting place and He has made me glad." At this point, the minister ended the ludicrous service by kneeling on the floor that he was already seated on, and asking the congregation to offer a prayer of thanksgiving.